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nginx

Forgive to release anger

Have you ever tried so hard to do your job well but got no appreciation from your boss in the end?

And to make matters worse, you got blamed for a project that has not taken off due to things beyond your control.

That’s what happened to me.  I thought I had a career.  I’m climbing up the ladder, so to speak.  I have been dealing with hotshots in the corporate world.

Let us backtrack…my boss and I started well, at least in my thinking.  But from the moment that I have started attending office meetings, I knew I made a mistake of joining the company.  We clearly had different expectations.

He thought I can be ruthless,  that I can hustle for the company, in the guise of serving the investors and earning the much coveted returns on investment.

I thought he can be a father figure, someone who can guide me in my career.   Surely someone who belongs to a good community would have inherent kindness and support his staff.  I was wrong.

In a short time I can see that our expectations and values consistently clashed.  I wanted black and white in everything, for him there can be shades of grey.

But I needed the work.  And the perks and income was great so I tried to conform.  I started spending long hours dealing with all kinds of issues, and pushing myself to go with their way of thinking.

In my mind, there can be a balance.  I will work hard and they will be okay once they see good results.

I was handling two big projects, a fund raising and a stock market offering.  When the fund raising was completed, I thought that I made it.  I will now get a pat on the back for the successful completion.  But a good handshake from the boss never came my way.  He is at my neck for my next task.

The task was to prepare for a stock market offering.  But the economy has a way of spoiling things.  Timing is not good and the project started slowly.  Delays became inevitable.

The boss did not like it.  I did not work fast enough, nor hustled enough to get things going.  His goal will not be met.  So I got called for a dressing down.  The boss said this was not acceptable for a person being paid my kind of salary.  That was the last straw for me.  I immediately resigned.

You thought that was the end? No, the boss has other things in mind.  He called me a failure.  I countered that we have different definitions of success.  Mine was the better one.

From that time on, I harbored anger in my heart for him.  He caused me to doubt myself, got me off a good career plan.  But you know what? I think this was a blessing in disguise.

The moment I decided to leave, new opportunities came my way.  An advanced education and opportunities to do more of what I want.

A year ago, I saw him again.  We did not get a chance to talk, but I know I have started the forgiving part.  I no longer feel the anger.  Lately, I said that maybe he is that way because life was not that kind to him.  He had to go through hardships to get to where he was.  And where I am now, I knew that I was the more fortunate one.

Life indeed has a way of making things up to you.  Don’t stay angry, learn to forgive and things will become better.

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